Happy Thanksgiving eve, everyone! We’ll be taking tomorrow off to stuff ourselves silly alongside our family members. But before we go, we thought we’d serve you up some turkey.
And by that, we mean video game turkey. Believe it or not, there are some tremendously bad games out there, with developers that thought they were going to be the next big thing. Alas, they were not, and now they stand out amongst a field of some of the worst video games ever made.
So there’s no getting around it. Let’s jump right in and see what are the biggest turkeys in the video game world.
Plumbers Don’t Wear Ties
There were a lot of questionable full-motion video games made back in the days of the Sega CD and the 3DO. And while you may damn the existence of Sewer Shark and Double Switch, at least they were playable compared to the crapshow that was Plumbers Don’t Wear Ties. This is a dating game – sort of? – where you have to try to win the girl of your dreams. But, um, yeah, things do not go as planned. With low-level quality, a hint of (questionable) nudity and a weird, weird theme, this is just as bad as it gets.
And want to know the real treat? Limited Run Games is bringing it back for a new run. We’re not quite sure why.
Playing as a superhero in a video game can be fun, right? Well, not if you’re Superman, and if your game license somehow belongs to Titus. Superman 64 is the epitome of terrible superhero games, as you’ll be spending a great deal of time flying through hoops and maybe, just maybe, fighting thugs as you attempt to save the day. And did we mention that you’ll be doing so while you deal with some of the worst visuals you’ve ever seen on the N64 platform? Someone get the kryptonite, because this one needs to die quickly.
Back when 3D platformers were all the rage on PlayStation, someone thought it would be a good idea to bring back Bubsy, a 16-bit hero that starred in a pair of forgettable adventures. But they were triumphs compared to whatever the heck Bubsy 3D is. Sloppily made and featuring probably the worst video game narration we’ve ever heard, it just looks and plays bad all the way through. Plus it insults the memories of anyone that ever played the first game, with a concept that simply doesn’t fit. “What could possibly go wrong?” you ask. Well, everything.
Ride To Hell: Retribution
Playing as a biker should be cool, right? Well, emphasis on “should be,” because Ride To Hell: Retribution makes it feel like you shouldn’t even bother. Terribly programmed and featuring some of the worst action you’ll ever come across in an open-world game, Ride To Hell is simply a mess throughout. And what’s worse, with its quick-time events and padded content, it’s actually longer than it deserves to be. But trust us, five minutes and you’ll chuck this out onto the road for someone to run over.
Rise of the Robots
We’ve seen a lot of bad fighting games in our day, but, man, Rise of the Robots is just an absolute mess. Featuring non-appealing characters that animate as badly as you’d probably expect, Robots also piles on a brain-mashing soundtrack, along with some of the worst gameplay you’d ever imagine. You can’t even properly execute special moves unless you’re really, really focused. And even then, you’re losing matches. Thanks, but we’ll just leave the Robots dormant.
Leisure Suit Larry: Box Office Bust
The Leisure Suit Larry games have always been designed to be some level of corny, where our “hero” manages to win, even by luck. But a game that’s just bad has no reason for existing – and Leisure Suit Larry: Box Office Bust is the worst of the bunch. Packing on inane humor that doesn’t even generate a slight chuckle, Box Office Bust also features miserably designed visuals and lackluster gameplay that won’t even arouse you in the least. One thing’s for sure – Box Office Bust has no trouble living down to its name.
Hong Kong 97
So horrible, we won’t even show you gameplay. Instead, enjoy the Angry Video Game Nerd episode above that breaks down just how atrocious this awful thing is.
Want a new console so you can forget about these stinkers? We’re happy to help with that, courtesy of our giveaway!